I have been busy these past few weeks building a new website!
This is my 3rd go as a self-taught web designer, and it has been gratifying to see my progress since my first try in 2018.
I just went back to look at my first site in search of something embarrassing to show, but I found myself feeling proud, despite seeing that my skills have greatly improved since then.
This has been one of my main themes over the past 18 months: only comparing my current progress to my past self—and being proud of the guy who tried his hardest back then.
I read a great book called The Gap and The Gain by Dan Sullivan, and I turned the book's thesis into a diagram for my kids.
Most of us focus on where we want to be—The Gap. This is a place that will inherently never be at hand. My therapist taught me that the nature of desire is that we want something we don't have. Nothing wrong with that, but it's never here and now.
As I read the book, I discovered that I had spent my whole life only looking ahead.
I was neglecting The Gain—all of the amazing things I've already done.
That's the vast majority of our life and existence. We have learned so much and grown continually throughout our lives. It's insidious that we don't spend time celebrating the biggest part of ourselves, and instead focus on the tiny percent that represents our future.
Since reading that book in October 2024, I have reframed my work and progress through this lens. I have cultivated a practice of consciously looking back and celebrating the things I've done.
And it has been really important to be proud of the things I did when I was at a given stage. The alternative was living with constant shame and a sense of "not enough."
I am really proud of all the work I've done on the road to where I am today.
I have a new website that looks amazing and is full of amazing content. I will share it with you very soon!
I will certainly improve and make things that are more mature and refined in the future, but that's something to celebrate then.
For now, I am content.
Action Steps
I don't have a cooking activity for your kids this week, but I have this life lesson that took me almost 40 years to learn.
Take some time to consider this idea for yourself. See where you spend time beating yourself up where you should be proud.
Try reframing your perspective when you feel a self-critical thought come into your head.
Then share this idea with your kids. Maybe at the dinner table tomorrow. Maybe in a few weeks when they're crumpling up an art piece they're working on.
May we all be kinder to our past, present, and future selves.
